There may be four seasons in one year but if you go on what’s messily hanging in my wardrobe, there’s just two. There’s always ever only two. Summer and Winter. There’s no grey scale…namely Autumn and Spring.
I seem to buy clothes that don’t cater for these seasons nor fit in my wardrobe hence renovating my balcony slash patio, into an extended walk-in wardrobe with wait for it, a patio heater. No joke! I dislike appearing bulky in stature too, so layering is my number one pet hate. Slim-lining and dressing inappropriately is key. Even when it’s 6 degrees. I’ll suffer and catch whooping cough if I have to, all in the name of looking as skinny and fashionable as possible.
The same could be said for the décor of my home. It’s all very streamlined.
Very chic and arty farty. Many items which aren’t practical and yet, so boho meets homeless, but in an over priced-designer-cool way.
An abode such as mine, decked out simply but tastefully – is not only low maintenance, but incredible in Summer because of the lack of carpet (polished concrete floors) and architectural design that keeps any room’s temperature a comfortable 22 degrees, even in 40 degree heat! It’s also supposed to have the same effect, but in reverse for Winter. So for example, when it’s 6 degrees outside, it’s supposed to feel a Tahitian 26 degrees indoors.
Now here’s the thing – it doesn’t.
To be fair, I feel like I’m living in Antarctica. As impressive as this sounds, it’s not. There’s no baby seals swimming past the tv as I watch it, let alone any whale watching going on so I decided to do what anyone would in this situation, and devise a few heating solutions for when I’m home. At least this way, I can come home after fashionably freezing my tush off and thaw out.
To do so, I went through all the usual suspects: You know – like growing a beard…hard to do considering I’m female, but from what I’ve seen in Google images, not impossible.
Then I thought about getting a dog – I could carry it around in my handbag. All the stars with amazing homes do this! I figure they hardly wear any clothes so any oversized bag with a tea-cup poodle in it should generate some warmth. But I’m more a cat person and I really don’t want to carry around a dog or cat in my handbag the entire night. Epic fail.
I could however use my hot water bottle more! Actually no I couldn’t cos I have a self-imposed ban on them. I’ve used them that much, I have burn marks on my stomach. True story.
Ski suit – appropriate for Antarctica-like conditions which is perfect, but considering how bulky I’d look, not going to happen.
Then there’s my hair dryer…now there’s an option! But I may as well put the heater on. In fact, why don’t I? That’s a heating solution that combines practicality on so many levels unlike all my other ideas. Well if that’s the case, you may as well ask, why didn’t I just put the heater on in the first place instead of burning my tum-tum to pieces with a hot water bottle. I then say, good question – I was trying to keep the cost of my electricity down.
I have a split system air-conditioner (clearly not needed) but it’s about as cost efficient as heating the house up with my hairdryer.
The most sound solution that combines style while practicality is to sit outside.
You heard right. Two words, patio heater.